208. Bad habits, you

nishe

nishe

What you’ve become, is a series of bad habits.
You’ve stopped going to bed, filling your blood stream with caffeine and letting your phone go to voicemail every time it rings. You treat your hurts with painkillers and forget to water the plants. Someone should remind you, that you’re an adult now. Remind you that yoghurt for dinner isn’t good enough and that no one else is going to take out the trash.
Listening to Bon Iver at one twenty-eight in the morning isn’t a cure for anything, and it doesn’t help you sleep. It only makes you sadder.
Stop clinging to your sadness.
Yes, happiness is scary. It’s more unpredictable than sadness and tends to, at least initially, drain you of all energy. But, come on. You were never a quitter. Cling to the future the way you cling to your bad habits. Replace your bad habits with hope.
Call your mother back and stop fleeing the scene. Let your guard down.
Love until it hurts.
Love because it hurts.
Love because.
Love.
You cherish your bad habits as if they were secret weapons. You are convinced you could throw them all out, if only you wanted to, which incidentally, you don’t. You’ll find out however, soon but not nearly soon enough, that this isn’t true. Your bad habits nearly kill you, and you are not in control.
You once went an entire week without coffee, because you could. You once went an entire week on nothing but coffee, because you could. You shut out the person you want the closest, because as you’re sitting across from his patient gaze, you find yourself unable to tell him anything at all. You stare out the window, incapable of answering his questions, utterly paralysed by the realisation that your bad habits have gone rogue on you. They built a wall around your heart and your truths, stronger than authorised, and you realise as you sit there wanting nothing more than to let the other person in – that you can’t. You’ve been outmanoeuvred by the very bad habits you once took such pride in.
They’ve locked you up, and discarded the key.

Comments

  1. julia

    åh, det här är verkligen helbra! <3!

    1. Karin Wahlberg

      <3

  2. Erika

    Fick tårar i ögonen när jag läste. Jösses, vad bra du skriver.

    1. Karin Wahlberg

      alltså åh tack du är så rar <3

  3. Isabelle Pedersen

    Så duktig.Så bra. <3

    1. Karin Wahlberg

      tusen tusen tack <3

  4. jennifer

    helt galet hur duktig du är.

    1. Karin Wahlberg

      du är så fin och så bra och dina ord gör mig alltid så glad!!! <3

  5. Julia

    <3 Så bra:
    Love until it hurts.
    Love because it hurts.
    Love because.
    Love.

    1. Karin Wahlberg

      <3

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